BEDEMON BOOKLET BLUNDER STUNS NATION; DOOM FANS WEEP, WHILE CONGRESS PLANS NO INVESTIGATION, STATING “BEDE-WHO?”

January 24, 2006

Despite our very best efforts to proof and monitor the production of the BEDEMON Child of Darkness: From the Original Master Tapes release, it was the bloodshot-but-sharp eyes of Mike who noted that some of the lyrics were out of order. Geof moseyed slovenly into action, and a team of forensic scientists, armed with laser pointers and inexplicably, a weed whacker, carefully reviewed the booklet. The results were conclusive: the booklet was assembled incorrectly.

Wiping away tears, Geof explains: “It’s tragic. We tried so hard to make this release perfect for Randy, and yet…and yet…I’m sorry. Give me a minute, will you?”

After ordering a pizza and watching some porn, he regained his composure and continued: “The good news is that it’s not a printing error; it’s a problem that occurred in the assembling of the booklet at the factory in Italy. And the better news is, it’s really easily fixable. The center-spread page of the booklet, where the staples are located, was simply put in backwards. If you just bend up the four staple points, lift off the center page and replace it the other way around and bend the staples back into place, it’s fixed. When corrected, the center two pages will have the lyrics for “Into the Grave” on the top left side, and the page on the right will have Mike’s photo. We don’t know how it happened; Black Widow sent me a complete layout which was in the correct order, but somehow at the printer’s that one sheet got reversed.”

Geof stood up and walked slowly towards the window and peered out at the grey, overcast sky.

“It’s frustrating…you just don’t know…”, his voice cracking. “It’s this damn curse…”.

And as if on cue, as he spoke the words and looked out over the moors, a flash of lighting illuminated his ashen, tear-streaked face and the howl of a wolf was heard in the distance.

“It’s the curse of BEDEMON…”

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